I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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