we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
