They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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