this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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