any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
