Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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