Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
