dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
bring money and cleavage
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
