she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He literally asked permission to hit on me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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