Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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