what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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