she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
