She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
