I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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