Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize