Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
