Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
