if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You smell like stripper and shame
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
