I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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