i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
