Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
