just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
