I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
