I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
