Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
