the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
