i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
