Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
