So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
