I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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