I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
