i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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