I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
