We're facebook friends in real life
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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