I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
