Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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