I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
