ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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