I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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