Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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