david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
