i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
