Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
