New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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