Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
