I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
