Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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