Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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