Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
