he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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