is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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