Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
