he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
