I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
