i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
