I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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