i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
