i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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