i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
