If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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