Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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