Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
