Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
