hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
