What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
