one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
