after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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