why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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