She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
