curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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