had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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