Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
